Cough Cough Cough

Cough cough cough. 

July 5. I had been cough cough coughing badly for two weeks by the point I finally went to the doctor, no longer convinced it would go away on its own. It was annoying as fuck all. I thought it was allergies because this exact thing has happened to me before, which was easy enough to fix: some steroid inhalers and prescription Singulair, waited a couple weeks, and everything went back to normal. Easy peasy.

The nurse had advised I get a chest x-ray but I figured I'd wait to see if my allergies cleared up on their own after a couple days on the meds she gave me. However as I walked through the hospital I saw that the imaging waiting room was empty, so I decided to go ahead and get an x-ray, just to check it off my list of errands. 

Cough cough cough. I had a hard time holding my breath long enough to stand stationary for the shots. Rolling my eyes, I thought about how ready I was for this damn cough to go away already. 

Forty-five minutes later I was at the art store looking at paper. My phone rang. The number was from my doctor. Fuck. Cough cough cough. 

The nurse sounded edgy. And worried. "Are you still in the building? Can you come talk?"

"I left already. Cough cough cough. But I can talk right now."

"You're not driving or anything, are you?"

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

"No, I'm good. Tell me what's going on."

"There are innumerable nodules on both your lungs. It's cause for concern. We'd like you to see a pulmonologist right away." 

Fuck. Cough cough cough. We hung up a minute later with her telling me they'd get me in to see a pulmonologist as soon as they could, which would end up being nearly two weeks later. 

I wish I'd known then how important waiting those two weeks might have been because I would have raised a big fucking stink the size of Texas to see her sooner and get things rolling with treatment. But how could I have known? It could have been nothing. Not that I see how a swarm of nodules on your lungs that weren't there during your last mammogram eight months ago could have been nothing.

Cough cough cough. 

Sure I felt like crying, but I was currently in the paper section of the art store near two employees who had just heard my entire side of the conversation and were probably waiting for me to lose my shit in the middle of their store. Instead I took a breath, finished shopping for paper, and checked out, all in a daze. 

Had my entire life just changed? 

Cough cough cough.

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