The shitty thing about wearing a bandana is that it's a big fat sign to strangers that "HEY YOU I HAVE CANCER AND DOESN'T THAT SUCK."
Most people are cool and treat me like a normal human. Some give me a nod of recognition and understanding, which I appreciate very much because it usually means they've been in the trenches themselves or with a loved one.
Some people come over and tell me their entire cancer story. Most of the time this is fine with me because they Get It. They know. They know better than me what is ahead, and I like hearing about it, as tough as it may be to hear.
Then there are people like the stranger who came up to me today. He told me his wife's entire history of having breast cancer three times and a double mastectomy over twenty years and how her hair never grew back in right and it might not grow back at all this time and it's too much for a seventy year old woman to go through.
At first I pasted an understanding smile on my face and nodded along because I was hangry, but as I realized that the man saw his wife strictly as a victim instead of a survivor with a lot to be thankful for, I decided to say as much.
"You have no idea how much I would love to make it to seventy years old. I would give anything to live another twenty years, even going through cancer three times."
The man's mouth dropped.
"My prognosis was in months, not years, so your wife is very lucky to have made it twenty years with breast cancer. I wish her the very best."
One person's curse is another person's blessing. I'd trade her so fast her wig fell off.
Lack of Perspective. It almost sounds like he’s saying living through cancer 3xs worse than not living. It’s a terrible thing for him to wish for her and to share with a stranger whose story he doesn’t know and whose suffering he (obv) is unable to understand. Going through tx hard but ppl chose that b/c they want to live. I continue to wish you all the best. Your musings from way back have added enjoyment to my life. Thank you.
ReplyDelete